. From mid-day, our intrepid bunch started to arrive at Shirley's newest watering hole, the Brightwater Inn. Jason and Paul were among the first to slide off work early. Soon, a tidy group were celebrating escaping work for another thrilling adventure with the Dads and were being entertained by Jack Frost buzzing up and down the high street in a variety of vehicles - he must have been working up a right old thirst. Shame he was driving!
 . Tony Pascoe & Jerry Pugh were having to work late and wouldn't be arriving in Torquay until Saturday.
 . Eventually, Jack pulled up in the van - his and Mal's missus came to see them off. . . on the way to McD's, no cooking tonight! A couple of more rounds, all aboard - Jon buckled in with teddy and off they set 50 yards up the high street to stop at the Offie.
 . What a laugh - on the coach Dave Hedges was entertaining his chums with his Alistair McGowan impressions, what a wag.
 . Robbie started some footie songs; 'Mal Barton's Cerise and Primrose Army', 'We hate Totness, we hate Totness - We are the Totness haters', 'All in Pink, All in Pink - John Frisby made my fingers link' etc, etc ad nauseum!
 . Slackbladder refrained from the refreshments and it was left to others to call for the > comfort stops <, Jason was looking very uncomfortable!
 . It was a fair old way but eventually our lads arrived at Villa Marina Hotel in Cockinton Lane, Torquay - licensed bar and swimming pool just like the brochure. Were do they get those photographers, they are worth their weight in gold!
 . A couple of refreshments - it was thirsty work - all that traveling, and then off to town to find a nice resteraunt and to check out the local scenery, eventually . . . when Max emerged looking really nice in his pink shirt.

 . Luckily a parking spot for the van was found quite easily and our lads were able to go off to find something to eat and take in the local land marks and there were quite a few. One bunch had a nosh in Torquay's answer to Harry Ramsden (spit!) - 'my fish and chips are much better but I'm not blowing my own trumpet!' That statement saw some eye-brows raised and lead to some interesting speculation. Later at a local land mark, a gentleman thought Jack's 'visible' tattoos might offend the locals' sensibilities and asked him to cover them up. He was loaned a silk cardigan to wear - he looked really sort of suave swanning around in his 'black mac' - just like Vinnie 'lock stock and two smoking barrels'. Everyone had fun and although tired & emotional, no-one got into bother - not even Mal. After such a busy day the Dads were tired, but happy to climb into their beds for a well deserved rest before the big match.

. Bleary eyed, the Dads emerged . . . one by one, and after breakfast a scouting party went off to retrieve the coach. Robbie had beaten them to it, luckily, cos he'd frightened off some b@$^@&) scumbags who were attempting to vandalize it. He was ably supported by Paxos from Aphrodite's Greek Resteraunt.

 . Jerry and Tony had arrived, kick-off was at mid-day but it was now 11:30 and Tony had gone walkabout with John Frisby and John Lynch.
 . Not being able to wait any longer our heroes had to take a trip into Torquay in search of the missing trio. There they were half way back having a lovely stroll - 'the kick-off is at 12, innit?' - 'Yeah, and Totness is 20 minutes away!'
 . They'd had a smashing time, a walk along the front taking in the sights, a nice breakfast in a greasy spoon and a read of the papers.

 . After the false start, the luxury coach pulled into the Astrodome car park and there was Martin's sister, who ran a nursing home, with some of her patients who'd come to laugh at / support the Dads.
 . For some reason she and her mates had a bit of a giggle when our super-fit lads, in their prime, emerged from the changing rooms resplendent in their Cerise and Primrose strip emblazoned with the TRIMWISE logo. Especially when she compared them to the Dodos who play in a local vets league. (see publicity elsewhere, Ed) They were younger, fitter and had a proper strip but the Dads were much more handsome. Mal knew there was nothing to worry about, though - he'd found a lucky penny at the gate - the Dads couldn't loose.

The team picture shows Jon Elms pouring water over Robbie!
 This evidence may put later occurrences in a sharper light.
SPRINGHILL DADS
Robbie Thorpe
John Lynch - Jerry Pugh - Tony Pascoe - Paul Hanvey
Jason Furness - John Frisby - Dave Hedges - Martin Kingsbury
Jack Frost - John Elms
Sub; Tony O'Neill. Ball Boy; Mal Barton

 . Surprisingly the Dads were up for the game and looked quite keen. They took the game to the Dodos and put them under some early pressure.
 . Jason had a shot blocked and Dave Hedges scooped the rebound wide. Tony was getting forward and adding to the front line. Jack was getting stuck in and wasn't shirking the challenges.  . Jon Elms, too was full of running. Makes you wonder what they were taking - lucozade and pro plus cocktails?
 . The Dodos tried a ball up-field Robbie was grateful for an early feel, he was getting bored and grateful for the chance to open his body to release the ball. They did manage a bit of the ball and Dave Hedges was forced to put the ball behind for the corner. John Frisby headed the corner clear but only as far as a Dodo forward who volleyed over.
 . Tony took a throw-in in the Dodo's half. Martin came in from mid-field drew the defender and slipped the ball to JON ELMS had time to take a touch and fired home, into the bottom corner 0 - 1.
 . Jack won a corner and Jason fired it into the box - what? hand ball, surely? I think I even preferred Slackbladder for ref to this joker! A 2nd chance landed on the roof of the net.
 . An isolated little skirmish by the Dodos and the Dads were back on track. Martin won a ball in the middle crossed for Jack to chest the ball down but his shot went wide.
 . Jerry came into the action now and made a dizzy run but finally lost the ball, his head was spinning.
 . John Frisby won the ball and passed for Dave Hedges to shot over.
 . A Dodo winger broke and homed in on goal but his shot curled wide with Robbie pulling faces at him.
 . Jon Elms received the ball from a Robbie throw-out, he was hassled but won the corner. Jason fired in a cross, the ball bobbled agonizingly in a congested box but just wouldn't go in!
 . Jerry tried Robbie out with a back pass but he cleared it - Tony Pascoe, chasing forced a throw-in to John Frisby who's long shot dropped just wide of the far post.
 . Some good inter-play between Jon Elms, Dave Hedges & Jack Frost shot just over. The Dads had an uncharacteristic sleepy moment and a Dodo crossed into the box but it was put wide.
Some Jon Elms pressure resulted in a corner and Jason's in-swinger was headed off the line.
 . Another push on Dave Hedges surprisingly resulted in a free kick - a Jack Frost screamer flashed wide.
 . Jason was having a great game but had not managed one sliding tackle but he was always willing to crack one off when given the opportunity. Some stirring play and Jason battled to win the ball then made a precision pass to Jack Frost who controlled the ball and laid it off for JOHN FRISBY to flight the perfect lob into the top corner 0 - 2.
 . The tension was starting to show with the Dodos as their No 8 took kick at Dave Hedges, shame!
 . But the dads just got on with it and a beautiful through ball found JACK FROST in space. He beat defender then drew keeper before lobbing him, he did manage to get his finger tips to the ball but couldn't stop it rolling slowly over the line 0 - 3
 . The winger broke and shot - Robbie stood up and saved. The corner was headed over.
 . Another free kick but this time, Jon Elms shot wide.

HALF TIME
DODOS 0 - 3 DADS

 . The shirts looked really nice in the bright English Riviera sunlight. Some dodgy defending and Jon Elms was quickly at the keeper and defender putting them under pressure.
 . Jack's knee had been giving him a bit of a twinge towards the end of the first half so Tony O'Neill got changed and was lumbering up in case he was needed!
 . The Dodos showed a bit more spirit at the start of the second half and the Dads were having to resort to some desperate defending at times. But the ball broke and JACK FROST was quick to pounce on some slack Dodo defending. This gave them big problems and when to ball came out to his feet - he made no mistake with a lethal stab into the back of the net. 0 - 4.
 . The Dads just couldn't go wrong, the Dodos couldn't handle Jon and Jack's strong running up front. Then the ball was played up to Jack on the edge of the area he touched it to JON ELMS who volleyed it off the outside of his left foot into the bottom corner. 0 - 5.
 . Things started to go wrong, now. Did the Dads start to relax or was the long journey and late night beginning to tell? Throw-ins were given away, back passes were putting Robbie into difficulties - having to finger tip one goal bound lob over the bar. That gave Robbie immense pleasure - don't know why?
 . Luckily Jerry was still fresh and was still there when he was needed, a swerve and a dummy to beat a couple of marauding Dodos and bring the ball clear.
 . The Dads gathered all their reserves and managed to get some order back into their play. Tony Pascoe was doing a lot of running supporting Jon and Jack up front and when the ball fell to him, he unleashed an almighty drive . . . pheep! throw-in!
 . The Dads were caught out, hoisted by their own petard (Robbie asked me to write that, something a sailor told him, Ed) Tony and Jerry were having a ball tormenting the Dodos' defense but one slack moment and a ball over the top to that nippy winger and he was homing in on goal with the Dads' defense stranded. He was under a lot of pressure from John Lynch but he still managed to slot it through Robbie's legs - 'he didn't lob me!' 1 - 5.
 . This gave the Dodos great encouragement - until then they were looking a bit dispirited and the Dads contrived to give them more chances but Robbie managed to block one effort when the forward was through one on one. He wasn't so fortunate when some nice approach play and a slick one - two up the wing caught him out. 2 - 5.
 . The Dads stamina was now all out and threatened with being overrun Paul Hanvey stood firm - The Rock. He was bouncing forwards all around the edge of the box, the Ref had to ask him to cool it. No one could get passed him until he lost his footing and the winger managed to cross into the box and a forward connected to head home. 3 - 5.
 . One last effort, not long now. Jack was starting to struggle and Tony was ready for the fray - he'd warmed up by fetching the balls. Another dodgy challenge on Dave hedges and this time the Ref gave the free-kick. Martin held the ball up and passed to Tony Pascoe who crossed - Jack's header was inches wide.
 . A Dodos break away and the winger cut inside but faced by the physical presence of Paul Hanvey his shot flew over.
 . Jack limped out of the action to be replaced by super sub, Tony O'Neill. Tony was quickly soon eventually into the action with his fresh new old pair of legs to bolster the side. Jerry passed back - Robbie 'open up his body' and 'cracked one off' up to Tony Pascoe who broke with the ball in one last ditched attack, Tony O'Neill drew the a defender and Dave Hedges collected the pass - he was through on goal but his legs were gone and could only shoot wide.

FULL TIME
DODOS 3 - 5 DADS

MOM

JACK FROST & HIS PERSONAL SUB, TONY O'NEILL
 . Aggression, terrier play, Oh and a couple of goals
JON ELMS done good, too.

 . Oh how they celebrated! Unbelievable, five nil up and still held on to win. The chaps were so shocked they even forgot to go for their traditional sea side swim. They settled instead to go back to the Hotel for a sit down and a pot of tea. When they'd rested a nice shower and a change of clothes before off to find a nice place for something to eat and another look around the sites.

 . There were all sorts of people in all sorts a strange costumes out and about in Torquay that night. People with L plates, an ABBA reunion, a strange looking band of over-age, over-weight sports men? on a week-end away from home, an architect diva of the dance floor strutting his stuff, some really burly chaps with shaven heads and black suits - they didn't seem to be having much fun. Not half as much as those old, fat blokes.

 . On the way home there was a bit of a shower - John Frisby and Jon Elms got rather wet and weren't in the best of moods but were soon cheered up by the merry banter of their chums.
 . Then Robbie, delightedly, wanted to show his mates something that those b@$^@&) scumbags had left behind as a sort of souvenir?

 . Later a certain individual attempted to out-Spider Spiderman - no chance all he succeeded in doing was a simulation of a nuclear explosion on the patio/steps.

 . Then it was time to say good by to Martin - heading back to watch the game with his brother-in-law, Jerry back to the west country and Tony had a few probationers to check up on the way home. In the van and off they set Christopher Robin belted up with his teddy and security blanket. Jason hurling abuse from the back and Robbie continuing where he left of with the Footie songs - but this time victorious footie songs and didn't take the mickie out of John, too much.

 . Our lads did make it back in plenty of time to witness a wonderful display by the Saints, even with a refreshment stop at the John Barleycorn! But it was sad to see the Wombles relegated. Still the Saints didn't relegate them - they should have pulled their fingers out earlier in the season!

An Excerpt from the Torquay Herald;

The lowdown on non-league football across South Devon.

Dawlish Town are the leading local non-league football club, playing in the Premier Division of the Screwfix Western League. They also play in the Devon and Exeter League and have a thriving youth section playing in the South Hams Junior League, with teams from under 10 to under 16. In addition, they operate a mini-soccer centre for children . . .

Other local league contacts Torbay Football Combination League: (Sunday football) LK Pepperell 01626 60008. The Dodo Challenge: (Veterans football!) B.Flood 01752 894536. Torbay Accommodation Bureau Pioneer League . . .